Got lifted last night, outside Lavery's
One more offence and it's off to Maghaberry's
The only thing I wanted was to do a bit of dancing
The bouncer knocked me back, for wearing a Helly Hanson
You know what they say, God loves a chancer
Fucking let me in, I won't take no for an answer
The bouncer was raging and started a fight
The cops pulled up so I ran like shite
I went on the run but I only got as far as Newry
I had to appear before a judge and a jury
The cops were at my door, asking my ma questions
"We're here about your son, he's been done for possession"
"He's not my son, what are you on about"
My ma said nothing cuz she wasn't a tout
My wee brother has a tag on his ankle
He tried to do a robbery up on the Shankill
He burst through the door, waving a knife
"His head's lit, fucking run for your life"
They didn't give him time cuz he's only a minor
He didn't want the cash, just a barrack of cider
The peelers had to chase but he couldn't care less
He bolted up the street and put his Nikes to the test
The only way they caught him is that he ran out of breath
They gave him a beating and put him under arrest
Some bird come up to me, she looked really great
She says "Oh my God will you meet my mate"
See to be honest, the wee bird was stinking
Still stuck the lips on her without even thinking
I'm still with her today, I might make her my wife
Because my ma always says that a dog is for life
She's raging at me, I was only taking the piss
I said something to her, it sounded like this
"Here ya wee tramp, lend us a tenner"
"I'll say what I want regardless of gender"
She took it the wrong way, I didn't mean to offend her
I'm on the fifth day of a three day bender
See our mark, he's the best at fades
Me and him embark on some escapades
Got kicked out of school, didn't have the best of grades
But now we're on top so I rest my case
I haven't got a job, do I need one? please
Sure my da's been out of work since the 'Ra done his knees
It wasn't his fault, they thought he was a dealer
"We'll put one in your head if you rat to the peelers"
Now he lives the dream and his life is class
He gets paid for nothing, sure he's rolling in cash
Full rate DLA is more than your annual salary
Now that's what I call a Belfast Mentality
Fuck sake mate
Sure Belfast is wank
Geordie Best was an alcho and Titanic got sank
The only thing we're known for is shootings and violence
I'm up every night to the sound of the sirens
"Here giz a feg, GIZ A FUCKING FEG"
"Sorry mate I don't smoke"
"Wha, you don't smoke? what are you fucking gay or something"
"Listen mate, I just don't want any trouble"
"Well then you better give me a fucking feg now
Or I'll fucking kill ye alright"
"Listen mate, I don't have any fegs
But I've got loads of money here take my money"
"I don't want your fucking money I want your fegs alright"
I drove down to the bar
I parked my car
I went in for an hour and drank a bottle of Powers
Some fella slabbered, he was trying to act hard
He ran home like a coward, full of bruises and scars
I thought it was over, but next thing you know
His brother rings me up and here's how it goes
"You ya wee cunt, no one touches my bro, as soon as I get you
I'm breaking your nose"
"Alright mate chill, I'll have you a fair dig up the top of Cave Hill"
Of course I showed up
I'm hardly a lapper
Ever since my school day
I've been known for a scrapper
I got a taxi up, I speared no expense
Gave the driver a score and said "keep the fifty pence"
The lads are telling me to keep a tight defence
Alright enough talking, let the fighting commence
"I want a good clean fight, no headbutts or tackles"
He looks like a fruit but he digs like The Jackal
I got beat in the scrap, sure you can't win them all
What was meant to be a fight, turned into a brawl
It came to a stop, I was shattered
I felt like a sausage, that's how bad I was battered
The cops show up looking me, arrived at the scene
My coat pockets are filled with five ounces of green
The PSNI are like my arch nemesis
As soon as they arrive I have to split from the premises
Aye dead on, the songs over alright
A way home to your ma, fuck ye
Shout out to the wee tramp that stole my phone
On the Dublin Road in his Linfield tracksuit
I know it was like 5 years ago but I'm still looking you mate
You're not safe, I'm down on the Dublin Road every night of the week
For 5 years looking you
So I can knock your cunt in
I'll find ye, you're fucking dead
I'll murder ye, I'll stab you in the face
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