I'm working off emotion
Scrolling through a mental brochure
Knowing each life experience is not kosher
Yet many times in my life I've been so sure
Like leukemia in remission but not at all cured
Moving on in age things I look toward
Be a double edged sword as time mature
Though I sometimes lose focus, swaying off course
Inside this wilderness I do get lost
Meltdown might equate to weight loss in my face
Or my waist size just about gained some space
Or mood swings, my temper gets so irate
I'm about to get into how I lose my faith
Cause sometimes
There's no way to explain how I'm feeling
No reason really to say what I'm dealing with
When emotions run wild I just want to escape the madness
And reverse the bad things I'm going through
There's no way to explain how I'm feeling
There's no reason really to say what I'm dealing with
I just want to escape and experience the good things in life
When is it my time, I just don't know
Confessions of a sometimes homicidal, suicidal
With one year sobriety under my belt
Though I still crave Rémy and cran
Liquor sent my mind into a tailspin
With dual roles of me as a man
Stepping out my character
I'm glad I recognized it on my own
The problem that I faced needed handling
Withdrawn from nicotine
Irregular heartbeats gave me nightmares
With visions I'm forever seeing
Then my Uncle Charlie passed on
Now black clouds stay looming overhead like a bad storm
All of the men in my fam resemble
And anybody that knows me know I dread going to funerals
I play the back of the parlor, pausing
Not too close to touch but close enough to see 'em have me startle
Now I'm spooked so I walk out the place in a hurry
With my old dad looking at me worried cause
Suppressed feelings of big smiles like a bandaid
Covering the wound but not healing
Candidate for therapy, still possess lukewarm celebrity
With an occasional "Yo, you look like um"
People I'm involved with then it's rock personal
The woman that I hurt I might as well physically have
Put the blows to her stomach cause I know she feeling sick
Just hearing my name, handling the pain like
My life gone topsy turvy
Failures like a kid learning how to ride a bike
Falling to the ground and turn from scuffing his knee
Or being laughed at in school for my ABCs
They say little things you consider small through time can scar you
I've learned through my some odd years
And I maybe one or two regrets I wish
But I can't take back the damage that's done
Or damage to my lungs and my liver
With all things considered there were nights I'd lock and load
In my mind I would crawl up inside of a hole
Drove drunk if the car that I steered
Thank God never veered off the bridge that I crossed over
Red flag hunting for Red October
I can't imagine what the kick feels like from a magnum man
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