It's been a long, hard day for me, you should know
I've been in meetings all this week
And even though we exceeded our projections for the holiday
Unfortunately, our sales aren't where they need to be
You know I have to make it right with the board
Because they need a throat to choke
And of course it's the hardest choice I've ever had to make, for sure:
Do I take a pay cut or just cut the workforce?
So if you're on this call,
That means your role has been eliminated
I know I dropped the ball
But I'm so proud of what we all created
I take full responsibility
We may not agree on what that means
I take full responsibility
I'm sure you all have questions
And you deserve real answers
Tara's gonna answer questions
As soon as she gets some answers
Now once I end this meeting
All of your accounts will be deleted
Both your chat and email will be frozen
All your files are wiped remotely
Don't stress
Just send your laptop back-use that FedEx sticker
You've got 5 whole days to sign that severance letter
Don't forget about the NDA and Non-Compete
Take everything you learned but use it in a different industry
You'll get your PTO
But you might not see that Christmas money
I want you each to know
My thoughts and prayers go out to all your families
I take full responsibility
We may not agree on what that means
The buck stops with me (though technically it stops with you)
But I take full responsibility
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