DAD: Goodnight little Johnny, it’s time to rest your head.
The sun is set, the moon is full and you’re tucked up in bed.
DAD AND MUM: There’s no need to worry, you’re safe and warm, alright,
I’ve checked it’s clear, allay your fears, you’re monster free tonight.
Goodnight Johnny, sweet dreams.
ANDREW: Right Monsters, I’ll start us off with a bit of existential terror,
Simon, are you prepared to do a rap?
SIMON: I think so!
IAN: What do I do?
ANDREW: Well Ian, as it’s your first day just jump in when you feel ready.
ANDREW: We are the monsters who live under your bed,
I hate to break it to you Johnny but one day you’ll be dead.
It might not be today, but you’re time will come ‘round,
You’ve got a one way ticket from the womb to the ground.
You may think that you’re loved but they’ll dump you in the gutter,
You won’t believe your fate
IAN: I can’t believe it’s not butter.
I’m gonna tuck you in and then I’ll give you a kiss,
ANDREW: Come on now Ian, I thought we talked about this?
IAN: Goodnight, sleep tight, don’t let the bugs bite.
ANDREW: Ian, mate, you’ve got the wrong idea,
We are the Monsters.
IAN: But it’s my first week I was making some friends,
ANDREW: But we’re supposed to be monsters.
SIMON: I am a Monster and I’ll kick you in the balls,
I’ll undermine you; make you feel 2 feet tall
So fuck your hopes and dreams, I’ll knock your self-esteem,
‘Cause I’m mean. How mean?
I just stole a Baby’s ice-cream! What?
And me and my team are gonna mess with your head,
So tell ‘em Ian
IAN: I just baked you a fresh loaf of bread
And I’ll make you some toast, smothered with butter and jam
SIMON: Ian, you blew it, you fucked this up, man.
IAN: Goodnight, sleep tight, don’t let the bugs bite.
ANDREW: Ian, you’re an embarrassment,
You call yourself a monster?
IAN: I’m trying but I’ve never worked with Children before,
ANDREW: But we’re supposed to be monsters.
MUM:Johnny, I hope we’re not keeping you up,
Your dad was just playing his electric guitar.
He’s got a gig at the end of the week,
He’s gonna be a rock n’ roll star
ANDREW: He’s actually pretty good at playing guitar,
He should be in the monsters.
IAN: But hang on a bit
SIMON: No Ian you’re shit!
ANDREW: Dad, you’re an honorary monster.
IAN: Well I think I’d actually make a pretty good Dad,
A dad who’s also a monster.
MONSTERS: I think we’ve broken down the barriers that lie between
Being a dad and a Monster
Yeah
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